Fearless
by Miss Sofi
Summary: After loosing Calvin, Olivia realizes how alone she really is. From the present to the past and back again.  Who was the girl/woman behind the badge? FEMSLASH, pairing between Olivia and another woman will develop as well as A/O pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All recognizable SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

~**Alone~**

"It was always temporary…"

Elliot's voice sounded distant though his lips were close to her ear, the arm he held around her waist seemed an immovable barrier between her and the door. Olivia didn't try to escape it, though the every atom of her being yearned to. More than anything, the normally calm and reasonable detective, wanted to bolt out of the door after Calvin, forgetting and ignoring the law, forgetting reason, forgetting herself. At that moment she knew the only thing stopping her was Eliot's firm but gentle grasp, that and the fact that she could barely breath. Olivia felt as though the very life was being sucked out of her as Calvin's frantic cries for her faded down the hall. Everything seemed a blur.

Olivia had no Idea how long she stood there, what had felt like an eternity must have only been a minute or so, because as the initial shock of what had just happened faded off she became aware of her partner still standing close behind her.

"You okay?"

"… I'm fine, El" The attractive brunette finally managed, her voice weak but steady as she ran a hand though her hair.

"Liv, I'm sorry… But we knew this would happen eventually." His voice was sympathetic but a tad impatient (after all he had warned her not to get attached) it was of no comfort to her.

"Yeah, I know." Olivia broke away from Eliot and grabbed her coat, heading out the door without so much as looking at him. She didn't expect him to understand, but a lecture would be intolerable.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute." He followed after her "Olivia, I can call the ADA. You can get to work on an appeal, if that's what you want."

"What's the use!" She turned to face him then, her tone betraying her anger, her glistening eyes betraying her pain. Seeing her partner's bewildered expression she checked herself as best she could. "The paper work wouldn't be reviewed until Monday…" Olivia measured her words, it took every ounce of will to think, to speak, to not fall apart. There was a big difference between crying and breaking down, Olivia didn't like doing either if she could help it, and though Elliot had seen her cry more than once over the last ten years, breaking down in front of him was out of the question. "It's 8pm, I'm not thinking straight, I need to get out of here."

"Do you want to go for drinks?" Eliot used his arm to keep the elevator door from shutting behind her as she stepped in.

"No. Thanks. I'm just going to go home."

"Olivia I really don't think you should be alone…"

"Eliot, I can take care of myself." She nodded him off sharply, and he stepped back from the door.

As the elevator shut Olivia sank back against the wall. She didn't know if she believed that. But Elliot couldn't help her now, he wasn't what she needed… She didn't feel sure of herself just now. She dreaded the walk home, the empty apartment that waited for her. It wouldn't be bearable without Calvin there. Hitting the Stop button on elevator Olivia slid to the floor. For the first time in years the weight of her own pain was far too much to bear. She had no one, besides Eliot, and as close as they were, even he could never truly understand her. She had just lost the only son she had ever known, the only real family she has ever known… There was of course an exception, but even she was gone now.

"…Alex." Olivia covered her mouth to stifle a sob but it was to late. Hearing the familiar name own her own lips broke the detective and she dissolved into a trembling mass of tears, there on the elevator floor.

A half-hour later Olivia unlocked the door to her apartment. Her mini-meltdown had minorly restored her resolve to make it through the night, at least, and she took a calming breath as she stepped through the door. Doing her best to push Calvin out of her mind, Olivia looked around. The boy had only been in her care for a short time, so the apartment had few reminders of him. Indeed, it looked almost exactly as it had before Calvin had lived in it too. Though that didn't seem to help the fact that it felt emptier and quieter than it ever had before. Olivia left her coat and keys on the sofa and went to her bedroom to change.

Of course, the moment she turned on her bedside-side lap, the first two things it illuminated where the pictures on her nightstand. One of herself and Calvin, taken just the day before, the other picture was the most recent one she had taken of Alex: The normally serious, former ADA, wore a playfully coy smile and was giving the camera, or rather, the photographer a mischievous wink. Olivia felt her heart swell for a moment and a smile parted her lips, and then her chest tightened as if to stop it from beating. She felt a lump in her throat, and quickly turned away from the pictures. Going to her dresser she un-holstered her gun, placing it, her radio, badge, and cuffs out in front of her. Olivia normally put all of her essentials on the night for immediate access, but as she could not stand to be near it right now, her dresser would have to do. Looking down at her police issue Olivia Benson felt so far from being the calm and collected SVU Officer that her own things seemed strange to her. She eyed her service revolver, picked it up and emptied the clip in her hand. Then after a moment let t drop and held the gun out in front of her, in both hands. Her arms locked she lowered her head and cocked her gun aiming deftly at the woman aiming back at her in the dresser mirror.

-Click- Olivia pulled the trigger, but her reflection stayed in tact.

After a moment her hands started to tremble and he lowered her weapon. Watching herself in the mirror she picked the clip up from where it had fallen and reload. She swallowed hard and placed the gun back on the dresser. Though Olivia felt as though she was about to go off the deep end she was never the less sane enough to realize it. She left her things were they were and left the room. Never mind changing, she needed a drink.

Olivia rushed to the kitchen and poured herself a couple shots of whisky. She tossed them back eagerly, it had been a while since she had had a drink and the warmth of the liquor washing down her throat soothed her… Then it caught her eye: The painting that Calvin had made for her, pinned to the fridge, and signed _Calvin Benson_.

Before she was even sure where she was going Olivia had grabbed her keys and fled the apartment. She couldn't take it any more, she had to get out of there, she had to go somewhere, she had to escape, and there must be somewhere.

She hailed a cab and got in.

"Where too Ma'am?"

"Just Drive."

"Which way"

Olivia wanted to go _home. _No, not to this empty apartment, but to some place that might actually feel like home… But where was that?

"… Upper East" She said without thinking. Then she knew. "172 Hillcrest Park, please" No one would be at the mansion now, but the Cabot family home was the only place Olivia wanted to be just now.

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	2. Chapter 2

******Disclaimer: All recognizable SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

******The chapter posted right after this one will go a little further into Detective Benson's character. Then following chapters will look into her past. Later Chapters will pick up where this chapter leave's off. **

**~Memories~**

Olivia stepped out of the cab, having already paid the driver, and shut the door behind her. It was early November and though unseasonably warm it was still just about freezing outside. In her rush to leave Olivia had forgotten her coat, she had never really minded the cold as she was normally very warm herself, but non the less she tucked her hands in her pockets to keep them warm. The house in front of her was still well kept everything about it was grand yet tasteful, exactly as it had been when Olivia had last visited Cabot Place with Alex… Except that for the first time ever there wasn't a single light on, in or around the house. Olivia bit her lip as she searched every window; she almost expected to see the ghost of a memory in one of them.

Finally she made her way around to the side of the house and then to the back where she knew a spare key was hidden. To Olivia's surprise, back door light was on. No doubt left that way by whoever was hired to look after the mansion while it went unoccupied. Still, the light brought the first glimmer of comfort to the lonely woman, she was glad the place was being looked after. Tipping over a small pot of soil Olivia found the spare key she knew was buried there, just for her, years ago… Smiling at he key nostalgically she thought of how many times it had been her saving grace. Things didn't feel so different now as they were when she was just a screwed up young girl. Olivia sighed as she opened the back door and wiped her soiled hands on her pants… This was still her sanctuary.

Cabot place must have been a good thirty years old now, but even in the moonlight Olivia could see that it still sparkled like new, just as it did the first day she set foot in it. She made her way though the kitchen and walked down the foyer towards the front of the small mansion. The moon was bright and the sharp eyes Detective could easily see everything around her, still she let her fingers graze everything she passed. She kept glancing down at the marble floor as she walked. She had always loved the way it glittered slightly, and to this day, despite all the court houses and government building she had been in, it was still the shiniest floor she had ever seen.

A strange feeling came over Olivia as she reached the curving staircase by the front door. The runner gleamed white in the moon light and she could clearly remember the first time she had gone up those stares, feeling lost and out of place. But now, oh, now she was home! Olivia's eyes misted over and she found herself flying up the steps, down the hall, and into Alexandra's old bedroom.

The room, like all the rest, was exactly how it always had been: The pretty suite of a mature little lady, nearly as big as Olivia whole apartment, and just as nice. Sitting on the bed Olivia looked around and smiled in spite of the ever-growing tightness in her chest. This room suited Alex to a T… Everything about it _was_ Alex. It even smelled faintly of vanilla. A curious thought came over Olivia as she lay her head down on the soft mound of silky pillows that sat at the head of the sumptuous king sized bed: Did this room smell like Vanilla because that was always Alex's favorite sent? Or was Vanilla Alex's favorite sent because that is what her room had always smelled like?

" God… " Olivia let out a quivering breath, pressing her cheek deep into the pillow. She missed this place, she missed Calvin, and she missed Alex… Oh god how she missed her! Things had slowly fallen apart before Olivia's girlfriend had gone off to Africa. Wait, make that Ex Girlfriend… But that didn't change the fact that Alex had been the only source of constancy and comfort in her life, until she left. Olivia had learned to trust in Alex's friendship and love with everything she had. She let Alex in… For what?... Nothing ever lasted, no one ever stayed. Work had only confirmed that. No one could ever be trusted. There was no such thing as safe… She had been stupid to trust Alex. Now Olivia knew, the only reason she had done so in the first place was because there was no one else _to_ trust… But surly, it couldn't all have been a lie. Alex must have truly loved her once…

Alex in all her confidence had almost always seemed unsure of Olivia, bewildered by her. After all aside from having sharp wits and strong convictions, the two could not have been more different. Alex's friendship had brought so much light and clarity into Olivia's life but the former could never quite handle the darkness that still lived deep within Olivia. She knew it was there, she saw it, understood it, but it had always frightened her. Olivia felt deeper than anyone had had ever known, but Alex had never been good with feelings She tried, because she cared, because she was a good person, because she knew she loved Olivia and was all she had. But After all those years nothing had changed. Alex and Olivia where nearly as close as two people could be: They shared themselves, mind and body, but logical Alexandra Cabot had never known how to let her heart and soul guide her, and with out that she felt like there was a part of Olivia that would always be beyond her comprehension…and Alex couldn't take it any longer.

So when the offer to leave the continent arose, Alex took it. It broke her heart to leave the woman she had shared her life with all these years, but again, logic won out: She and her girlfriend had reached a dead end. Besides, Olivia was no longer the troubled, broken girl she had once been. She had grown into a Strong, confident, independent woman. Olivia could take care of herself; she would be okay in the end… Or at least that was what Alex told herself.

Olivia's eyes burned with ever-present tears but she couldn't bear to lay there idle any more, she had to do something… Reaching over Olivia picked the phone off of the nightstand and dialed the long distance number she knew by heart. The call took a long time to go through, and even then it would only be luck if the connection stayed… Olivia ran an apprehensive and though her hair and let out deep breath. She just wanted to hear Alexandra's voice…

"Mia!" An excited voice crackled on the other end of the line

Olivia swallowed hard, but the unexpected greeting helped to take the edge off of her emotions.

"No… Its Olivia" Was Alex expecting a call from her cousin?

"Olivia?... But the number… What are you doing at the house?" Alex's voice was all suspicion.

"I came to visit. I didn't think you would mind"

"I don't mind. How is Mia?"

"Mia?... I don't know. I haven't spoken to her since before you left." Olivia's eyes darted around the room this conversation was turning out to be a bit more confusing than she had anticipated

"You haven't, why?" Alex's voice was almost accusing

"Alex, she is your cousin… I didn't want to put her in an awkward position."

"Okay, I just thought you would have wanted to keep in touch with her."

"I do " Olivia's fingers found their way to the two gold chains she wore around her neck. "… Alex, I didn't call to argue."

"Why did you Call Olivia?"

"I… I just wanted to talk to you" Her lip quivered as she willed her voice to stay steady.

"I can't do this… " Alex sighed.

"You can't _talk_ to me?"

"No, Olivia… It won't do either of us any good…"

Olivia said nothing, she didn't trust herself to. So Alex continued gently but firmly.

"You know there's someone else."

"Yes… I'm sorry for you then. Take care" And with that Olivia hug up the phone.

The cool tone Alex had used during there brief conversation cut an already wounded heart to its very core. Olivia's fingers gripped the small round pendant that hung around her neck (the one Alex had given her). With one swift yank she snapped it off of her neck and flung it across the room. She did her best to blink back hot tears, but it was no use, she shut her eyes and let them fall. Olivia had rapped her arms around herself, she felt incredibly cold on the warm bed and, like a dejected child, she longed for someone to cling to But once again there was no one.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All recognizeable SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf**

** ~ Fine Line~**

After a minute or so Olivia forced herself to focus. She took a couple of deep breaths and willed herself to stop crying. She feared that if she didn't, she might fall into a pit of despair deeper than any she had ever fallen into before. She wished more than anything that she could let herself go, but she knew now that now one would catch her. Olivia focused on a point on the ceiling above her, the tears wouldn't stop coming and she didn't have the strength to fight them. So ignoring them, she brought a hand to her throat where she searched for the one remaining pendant. When she found it Olivia fingered the word inscribed on the tiny gold plaque. Shutting her eyes again her lips formed the word "_fearless"_ … she felt anything _but…_ Why? All these years she had managed to take on the grief of the world, it seemed. But now, when she needed it most, Olivia couldn't fight her own demons. What was so bad about being alone? She had managed before…

Dealing with tragedy seemed second nature with Olivia. She had the fortitude, physically and mentally, to take on what others could not bare. She had wit, and the ability to see beyond almost anyone's façade. All this made her excellent at her job, but anyone who knew Olivia knew that what set her apart from the rest was heart. Any good member of the Special Victims Unit team cared about the victim. Olivia more than cared, she seemed able to connect in a special way. Victims of Assault, Murder, Rape, and abuse all seemed to trust her on some level, and she understood them. Anyone could tell… But what no one really knew was _why. _ Sure Elliot had known the names of some of the skeletons in his partner's closet, a bit about her past, and she trusted him as much as she could - with her life – but even that only went so far.

For Olivia, every day and every case meant maintaining a delicate balance on an even more delicate line: Bringing victims and their cases close to her (that was the easier part, in a way) letting all the angst and terrible realities in… But never all the way. If she let anyone in that far it would all fall apart, _she_ would fall on the other side of that line, behind her disarming confidence and natural charm, lay the memories, the truth, the pain; the side of Olivia Benson that she let no one see. The parts of her she had spent her whole life fighting away, the parts she wished could have died with the passage of time, but never did. Those thoughts, those fears, those horrible _vulnerabilities_ where with her always (as much as she had stifled them and succeeded in overtaking them.) They were never too far below the surface, threatening to show themselves. It was to her benefit that Olivia had always worn her necessary independence well, and of even greater benefit was that the only people she seemed to need in life were her colleagues, all most all of them men. Olivia had learned from the beginning of her life onward that men, no mater how good or well meaning (most where not), could never truly be trusted or understand the depth women can posses. In her case, they would never even come close… Not even Elliot… So she was safe, and sufficiently in control enough to walk her thin line of stability, to keep her wall up and carefully guard the gate.

Overwhelming, as all of this may seem, to Olivia it now came as naturally as breathing. Many years ago, long before becoming a cop, she had built her wall high and strong. She had learned to turn vulnerability into sensitivity, pain into compassion, anger into strength and loneliness into independence. Moreover, as the years went by and she found security in her SVU family, she learned to soften her defenses, and the nearly impossible task of allowing just enough emotion to the surface so that those around her would not guess at the fact that there was so much more hidden. Her job, this life, required her armor to be bullet proof yet translucent and flexible… After all, how could she expect to connect with the ones who needed her – expect them to open up to her - if they could see how closed off she was herself.

There had only ever been one person who _really_ knew Olivia. The one person to which the selfless, dependable, and beloved Detective Benson owed who she was today. One person who had managed to breach her walls when they where still new and not so difficult to climb, as are the walls around the heart of any young girl, even one forced to grow up well before her time. _One _person whom Olivia truly trusted, because she was there when no one else was. She was there when things were at their worst, to answer Olivia's prays, to save her. She was to one person who was always there trying to understand, even when young yet jaded Olivia had kept her at a distance. She was there though it all, her stubborn perseverance, friendship, and love had pulled Olivia through hell and out the other side. A single ardent flame always burning through the devastating darkness … _Always... Until now._

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	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Dick Wolf

**~Alex &The Girl~**

Alexandra Cabot and Olivia Benson had grown in to women together – Two girls from opposite sides of the tracks: Alex was a classic all American girl with the added bonus of a privileged upbringing. Lucky enough to have been born into a family with love and money to spare, she flourished through childhood and adolescence turned her into a bold yet refined young woman. Though her family had money and a good name they where small and tight knit. To the extent that naturally independent Alex often felt smothered, though never forgot to be thankful for the her good life. For both their parents had raised their Daughter out of love and respect. Teaching her the finer points of growing up, as a young lady should: Respectful, kind, grateful, confident, and dignified.

Alexandra's Mother was a beautiful and intelligent lady, tall and blond with a commanding presence. When Mrs. Cabot entered a room, it stopped, when she spoke people listened, but she had a disarming smile and a soft touch that went well with her warm and gentle character. From her mother Alex received all the love and affection a girl might need, as well as her fine features and fair silk hair. However in character she was her Father's Daughter. From a young age she seemed to have an innate sense of pride, righteousness, and ambition. She succeeded his strong conviction for almost everything in life, from the right way of making a peanut butter and jam sandwich to politics. What Alex wanted Alex got. Moreover, she had always been determined to over compensate for the stereotype her perfect golden locks carried with them; She excelled at any task she set her mind to. Alex was intelligent, strong headed (at times petulant) and exacting, almost to a fault. She had a sharp quick tong and her pride often got the better of her. But Alex was also, by nature, prudent and calculating. Yes, young Miss Cabot was a "type A" though and though… With her father's intellect, piercing blue eyes and chiseled features, as well as her Mother's striking presence, and fine feminine good looks (along with being expectedly spoiled) she was a force to be reckoned with. Even at 16, when Alexandra Cabot entered a room it stopped, when she spoke people listened. Nothing ever broke Alex's stride. No one ever slowed her down or made her second guess that life was always and only what she intended to make of it… At least not until Olivia.

Since her first day of high school Alex had noticed _The Girl_ that stood on her own near the side entrance of their school… Perhaps it was because the sullen looking brunette seemed to not want to be noticed and, almost succeeded, that she seemed all the more intriguing, or maybe simply because she seemed somehow different from all the other teens that twittered around the schoolyard, but Alex was drawn to her… just by looking at her Alex knew that girl was the embodiment of the reason she had begged to go to a public high school rather than continuing at the private one she had always attended. Alex was tired of constantly being surrounded by prim and proper airheads that thought of nothing in the world outside of their own superficial lives. Of course, Alex herself was not so much unlike them, but nonetheless she was not the same. Public school, she was sure, would offer an escape from the world of petty well-to-do girls she had always been surrounded by before… That must have been it. Alex saw that whoever that girl was, she was obviously the antithesis of all of those stupid private school girls.

But as the weeks went by the pretty and instantly popular blond did nothing to indulge her fascination but look. There seemed to be something very untouchable about that girl, Alex noticed. It was in the way her arms were almost always crossed in front of her defensively and the way her overly casual clothing and posture seemed to contradict them. The way she never seemed to make eye contact with anyone, even the rough looking seniors that occasionally hung out with her. With them she smoked, joked and rough housed, but only half-heartedly it seemed. Her smiles weak seemed automatic while her discomfort seemed strong. And she seemed to hate the taste of her cigarette yet preferred its company to theirs if they were around. Though it may have seemed this tough young girl was in her element in the boys company a closer look would tell differently. She would never touch them or look at them unless it was an offensively sharp glare or a playful but rough punch to the shoulder. Her speech was casual and nonchalant, but her tone was often overly harsh, and that seemed offset by the way her short dark hair always seemed to hide half of her face, making her seem meek yet fierce all at one. She almost always wore faded jeans and a tank top with a loose faded sweatshirt over top, Alex assumed, to hide her figure. She guessed at the fact that this might all be part of a mask, but she wasn't quite sure… Sometimes in the warm early September weather the girl's sweatshirt often rained unzipped and Alex couldn't help but notice how much more delicate, in spit of her best efforts, the girl seemed without the oversized hoodie swallowing her up; How her form fitting tank top betrayed the contours of her breasts and small waist, where it sat an inch or two above the waist of her jeans, revealing the girl's hips and a thin strip of her pale, flat tummy, in a way that Alex found curiously becoming. – Though she could have sworn that on more than one occasion she could make out a bruise on the exposed skin, which sent a pang through her in a way she couldn't explain. Alex would immediately look away, on those occasions.

From the distance she always maintained Alex found the subject of her careful observation much more of a young girl than first impressions may have given. She was feminine and pretty, Alex thought, underneath the rough exterior… But still, everything about the girl seemed to say, _"That's right, something's wrong with this picture, so just fuck off."_ … And Alex did. Every morning and whenever possible, she would catch glimpses of That Girl out of the corner of her eye, but she kept her distance. Alexandra may have been confided but she was also careful, and it was in her nature to be weary of boundaries.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All recognizable SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf**

**~ Olivia ~**

Meanwhile, _The Girl_ was anything but oblivious. How could not she be? It was impossible not to notice that _perfect_ blond, with her perfect clothing and perfect life… _Princess_ Olivia thought, disdainfully… She knew the girl's name "Alex", everyone did. Though no one besides Olivia seemed to notice the way Alex watched her sometimes. _But then again no one ever notices ANYTHING around here._ She thought. Then she had to retract her thoughts. Alex seemed to be the exception, and that unnerved Olivia. For it was true that she much more self-conscious than she ever let on.

Though not out of good breeding or a nurturing childhood Olivia Benson could easily match Alexandra's wit. Though one might never know it from meeting her then. Olivia was a quietly intelligent and observant teenager, though she did everything she could to play down her strengths. She incredible instinct and an eye for detail. Without knowing it she could be subtle yet powerful. Commanding yet gentle. But all of there wonderful attributes lay dormant inside Olivia. Without any form of emotional nourishment the Battered and Broken young girl was scarcely aware that she had a heart and soul, let alone that her heart could be tender and her soul strong. Both were so injured that Olivia, in all her 18 years, allowed herself to register her own pain.

"What dose she want from me?" She demanded under her breath to no one in particular, on one of those warm, no, rather chilly September days when Olivia wished she had the confidence to take of her damn sweatshirt. That wasn't going to happen though, so she had settled for bushing back her sleeves, undoing her zipper and letting her sweatshirt hang open instead. Though she also did this when the weather was hot, she specially enjoyed doing so when it was cold. The bite and wash of cool are over her skin helped Olivia feel alive.

"Who, Alex?" scoffed One of the boys that occasionally hung out with Olivia when there was nothing better to do " Why would she want anything to you, she wouldn't lay eyes over here unless you were a hundred dollar bill" He raised an amused eyebrow at Olivia "and you're maybe $20."

Olivia pretended to not hear the cheep insult of a joke (she was accustomed to letting far worse role off her back) instead she took a deep puff of the cigarette that had been hanging idle in her fingers until it had almost entirely burnt down, the bitter taste of it distracted her from her friends playful lash.

"The bell's gonna ring, get lost Hunter…" Olivia said, not taking her eyes off Alex, who was standing a few meters away talking to a couple of her friends. Olivia always kept what she told herself was a weary eye on the preppy blond. She knew hunter was wrong, about one thing, at least. Olivia had caught Alex laying eyes on her quite often, and she didn't like it.

"You're not coming?" Hunter slung his bag over his shoulder, noticing that Olivia was still leering at Alex.

"No." She dropped her butt on the ground watching it fall and then resuming her focus. Hunter smirked

" You got a crush, Liv?"

"Fuck off" Olivia sneered under her breath, again, not breaking her gaze.

"Liv's a dyke!" Hunter Laughed, and now Olivia shot to her feet and gave him a searing glare.

"Go fuck yourself Hunter." Olivia's voice wasn't loud but it was strong. It caught Alex's attention immediately and she turned around to face the scene.

"Fine, take a pill!" Hunter retorted and turned to head for the main doors recognizing that his fun had ended.

Olivia glared after him for a moment then turned back to sit on the side door step she had been resting on, but she was immediately caught by the site of Alex and two companions watching her. While the other girls exchanged scandalous glances Alex was just watching, with an air of calm, concerned, interest. She and Olivia regarded one another for a moment, trying to discern what the other was thinking, when the both came to the realization that this was the first time they made eye contact. In discomfort, for a moment, Olivia's eyes shifted to the giggling girls that stood beside Alex, and Alex caught the motion instantly. She turned to the petty girls, ashamed at them for the moment and raised any eyebrow. Olivia was relieved that the attention was off her as she noticed the girls immediately fall quiet at the disapproving look of the much more striking blond. Just on cue the bell rang and Alex's silly entourage, grateful for the bail out, rushed off into the school along with the rest of the student body.

To Olivia's horror Alex didn't go with the rest. She simply watched the flow of student's disappear through the double doors until there where only some stragglers and loiterer's (Olivia included) left behind. Her friends hadn't waited for her; it would never have occurred to them that responsible Alex might not be in class on time. Then she turned back to the dark brunette: Olivia, originally having no intention of going to her first period class, now wished she had gone in amongst the crowd of students when she had the chance. Now she was stuck, and felt she had no option but to stand her ground. Everyone was a threat to Olivia though she would never let it known. So she stayed, shifting her weight casually and propping a hand on her hip as Alex turned to face her again. Sharp blue eyes met fierce deep chocolate ones, this time without any distraction.

Alex's gaze was steady and strong, perhaps even lofty, but Olivia's was even stronger. Inside Alex could feel her stomach churn. She was face to face with The Girl and for some reason the urge to turn on her heals and head for the safety of the double doors nearly overwhelmed Alex. She had waited for yet dreaded this opportunity for weeks. Why? She didn't quite know… But there was something about the look in the for forbidding brown eyes that was overwhelming, The look reminded her of that of a cornered cat: in physical repose but with a look that warned of fierce defensiveness if one more move was made. Alex for the moment, couldn't move, Her eyes locked with Olivia's, lost for word for what was perhaps the first time in her life… Little did she know that in the years to come she would often find herself unsure of what to say to Olivia when her eyes held that unmistakable darkness.

Feeling threatened but not Intimidated by the statuesque girl she was faced with, Olivia simply stared at her for a moment longer, contemplating all that she had taken in on earlier occasions: Alex, as now, was always perfectly put together, her long blond hair always pulled back from her face, fell down her back like a sheet of silk, even on a blustery day like today it fluttered obediently behind her shoulders. She wore a pink and cream tweed skirt suit- _a SUIT, to school!_ The thought almost made Olivia want to laugh, but in spite of herself she had to admit that Alex could pull off the look without looking pretentious or overdressed, somehow the pretty fitted blazer and short mermaid skirt suited 14 year old Alex. Olivia noticed the slight hesitation in the Princess' and eyes and took it to her advantage.

"_What?"_ Olivia's eyes where still nailed onto Alex as she crossed her arms over her chest and tossed her head slightly to filing the long bangs out of her face. "I've seen you, watching me. What do you want?" her words where clear and accusing, so very different from the mutters Alex had occasionally heard, and they did nothing to help her wavering confidence.

"Nothing" Alex kept her voice firm and calm, but she could no longer hold Olivia piercing eyes, so she let hers wander a little. One again she took in the girl's open gray sweatshirt, the black tank top underneath… and the faded bruise that peaked out from under it, just above the girl's right hip. This time Alex didn't look away, that would have been too obvious; she could still feel those dark eyes trained on her. "Aren't you cold?" she said as casually as possible, making an excuse for the observation she knew Olivia must have caught.

"No" Olivia knew she had betrayed herself but she was too self proud to do up her zipper. The breeze was picking up and it fluttered her sweatshirt, exposing more of her waist and the old bruise. Olivia felt sick with self-reproach, but that only fired her defenses, she meant to make a confident move forward but instead stepped back. Both girls immediately noticed the falter and as a flash of insecurity came over Olivia's eyes, Alex forgot hers.

"How did you get that" Alex took a smooth step forward and motioned towards Olivia's hip. Now their eyes were locked again.

"What do you care?" Olivia's tone was still abrasive but for every motion Alex made forward, she made one further back. Noticing this Alex stopped advancing, but Olivia still retreated and turned a bit breaking eye contact.

"I don't know, but I do. Who _gave_ it to you?" Alex said urgently, realizing that at any moment Olivia would leave. Apparently it was the wrong thing to say because as the words came out Olivia shot a searing glare up at her.

" You don't know me." Olivia's voice was as sharp as her look and it pierced Alex, who had only meant well

"Wait!" Alex blurted out, taking a couple of steps after Olivia as turned on her heal as she swiftly did up her zipper "What's your name?"… But it was too late.

"…Everybody wants something." Was Olivia's only response as she quickly walked away.

Alex didn't follow; she didn't have the nerve to (for once). But she had promised herself the night before that today she would find out _The Girl's _name, though she hadn't planned on doing it in person.

"Alexandra Cabot!" She suddenly called out as it started to drizzle "Everyone calls me Alex, but you probably knew that already…"

Olivia slowed but didn't stop or turn around, so Alex started towards her.

" I know you think I'm just some preppy Bitch, and maybe I am… " Still no response as Alex closed the gap "…I'm not sure why I've been watching you, all I know is that you are not…" Olivia had stopped now, her eyes typically cased down, and Alex was at her side. "…And the only thing I want is your name."

Olivia hesitated then looked up at Alex suspiciously… Then her look softened for a moment and for the first time Alex saw just how beautiful those sad eyes where.

"Olivia." Her eyes dropped again "Olivia Benson" she said walking off across the parking lot.

Alex watched her walk her walk away as the rain came down harder, and for once she was oblivious the damage that might be done to her outfit if it got too wet.

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	6. Chapter 6

**All SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

**~Cousins~**

_About_ a week before her encounter with Olivia, Alex could barely take it anymore. When she got something in her head it stuck and tormented her until she dealt with it. But how, in god's name, was she supposed to deal with this random novelty of a girl she didn't even know? She felt distracted, and Alex hated feeling distracted, which unfortunately only distracted her more. So, after getting home from school last Thursday, Alex did the only thing that could help at times like this; as soon as she got home she rushed up to her bedroom (barely pausing to say hello to her parents) picked up the phone and dialed her cousin's long distance number. Mia, Alex thought, always seemed to know just what to do in these _unusual situations._

During the phone call Alex had told her cousin all about _The Girl_. Mia was the only person Alex had always confided in and told everything to, ever since they where little girls. She felt more comfortable with Mia than anyone; She could laugh with her and even cry with her…Not that she couldn't do any of these things with her parents or friends, but it only came naturally with her cousin. With everyone else Alex always tried to be her best, even with herself… But for some reason when it came to Mia, Alex had no inhibitions what so ever.

Mia and Alex where the same age, and so where their mothers (fraternal twins that where as close to identical as that would allow) But aside from similar height, grace, and cheekbones, Mia and Alex looked very different. They had both taken after their fathers, in appearance and in character. In fact, though some cousins look similar enough, it would have been tough to guess that these two were related at all… Except that if you saw them walking side by side you might notice that both girls moved with the same easy, confidant, grace. Like her fairer cousin, Mia was quite tall and thin, though not gangly by any means. Her face was refined, well sculpted (even at 16) she had a small refined nose, but thanks to o her Latin father, it was softer than her Mother's pointed one. The girl's mothers had thin lips but, again like Alex, Mia took after her father for the most part, and though her lips were still refined they where full and shapely. There was also bit more curve to her hips and breasts, making her seem older than she was. Mia's complexion was fair, though slightly more olive than Alex's. But what set them apart the most where their features: While Alex was a picture of fair loveliness, with her silk platinum hair and icy blue eyes. Mia was a dark haired beauty. Her long espresso mane was usually highlighted with strands of Auburn, and chestnut (though Alex was never sure whether the effect was intentional or the natural lightning of the sun) so that her tumbling glossy waves always caught the light… Alex had always loved Mia's thick voluptuous hair, not so much because she disliked her own (She liked it very much) but because while she had to put a great deal of effort into making her silky hair look perfect, Mia did not. Those luxurious waves always seemed to have a way of falling perfectly, all on their own. Alex couldn't help but think that her cousin's hair came strait out of a Pantene commercial… Mia's eyes matched her hair perfectly: Big and beautiful, they were the same dark yet radiant colour, laced by think black feathering lashes…She had often laughed at herself, telling Alex that she had brown cow, or giraffe eyes, and Alex had to agree only because she though both animals had absolutely beautiful eyes. Though unlike the benign look of a cow or giraffe Mia's eyes were a vivid medley of emotion and intelligence. Mia was a Beautiful young woman (for her appearances had always advanced her years) of that there was no dispute, but what Alex loved most about her cousin was her manner.

Though Mia was indeed striking for such a young girl, she was also exceptionally intelligent… A very different intelligence from Alex's. Though they where both sharp witted and book-smart Mia was also wise, far beyond her years. Those who knew her said she had an old soul, yet she was free spirited and seemed it seemed like nothing ever brought her too far down. This was a blessing from the girls' mothers as twins where perpetual rays of sunshine. Mia could easily handle herself with ease and the appropriate level of maturity no matter what the situation: She was perfectly at home going to black tie event's with her father and just as at home goofing off with little children. Her personal style from what she wore to the way she spoke and gestured, was classy yet effortless… She was naturally confident but rarely condescending or intimidating, she trusted her instinct and it was often right, she could be prudent but wasn't afraid of impulse, she did not only know what was right but knew how to act on it. For a teenager, Mia was remarkably tactful and emotionally intelligent… There was the core difference between Mia and Alex, and though no one is perfect, Alexandra was sure that Mia came as close as possible, without even trying.

Alex was often surprised at herself for not being jealous of her cousin, but she wasn't. She had an admiration and love for Mia that went beyond such shallow emotions. She had always been Alex's confidante and closest friend, they where more like sisters than cousins: each felt blessed to have the other and un-whole without them… Long ago the two girls had attributed this closeness to the fact that their mothers were twins, and perhaps it was true.

So it was, that, after intently listening to Alex venting her unexplainable frustration and observations about _The Girl, _Mia Said:

"Honey, you have to talk to her."

"How? She doesn't want to be spoken to" Alex felt bewildered

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, you can tell by just looking at her"

"Maybe you aren't looking deep enough. From what you've said, I bet she really _needs_ someone to talk to"

"You're probably right, but that doesn't change that she doesn't WANT to talk"

"Well you'll never know if you don't try" Mia persisted

"I know but… I don't even know ware to start, we have never even looked at each other What, am I supposed to walk up to her and be like "_Hi I'm Alex, I've been stalking you. Please talk to me?"_

"Well you could give that a shot if you really wan too." Mia couldn't help but laugh "and you aren't stalking her, Silly."

"Well I feel like I am… and I hope you're kidding because I could NEVER actually say that! She would think I was an idiot."

"I _was_ kidding, Lex" Mia said softening her tone, she could tell Alex was feeling frustrated and arguing with her, even playfully, would only make it worse. "But you have to take the a chance here, one way or the other, or this will all just drive you crazy."

"It_ is _driving me crazy. I don't take chances, you know that." Suddenly Alex felt like crying.

"I know babe…" Mia's voice was steady and comforting, she could read Alex like a book. "But there's no way of getting around it. I don't think she'll ever come to you, so you have to be the bigger person here and go to her."

"I can't…" Alex's voice quivered a she felt her eyes fill to the brim "I'm not like you Mia… What do I say? What if she hates me? I'll die.

"No you won't, I promise. You might feel bad if she turns you away, but you'll feel worse if you don't try. Just be as honest as you can."

Alex nodded into the phone, as she let her tears spill over, she knew Mia was right, but putting herself in a vulnerable position like that terrified her. She clutched the phone close and let herself cry a little "Mia can't you come talk to her for me?" she pleaded, half in earnest, for once not caring that she sounded childish.

"No babe, I wish I could"

"I can't do this…" Alex sobbed quietly

"Yes you can Lexy" Mia said tenderly. She never understood why not being in complete control in any situation sacred Alex so much, but she knew it did. She knew her cousin rarely broke down for that very reason, and it hurt her that she couldn't be there to comfort Alex. "Shhh… It's going to be ok … I promise."

**Please review**


	7. Chapter 7

**All SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

**~ Choice ~**

It was that conversation that Alex kept in mind as she watched Olivia despair into the rain a week later. While she was filled with even more curiosity and concern than before, she had done it, she spoke to Untouchable Olivia, and though Alex had felt like a bit of a fool just moments earlier, just as her cousin had promised, she didn't regret a thing. When she could no longer see Olivia through the haze of nasty weather Alex turned and headed into the school's main office.

She was dripping wet so the secretary obliged when Alexandra asked her to let her teacher know that she would be missing first period class. She obviously needed to change and though Alex considered missing class serious infraction she needed time to get her head on straight. At the moment all she could think of was Olivia.

When school was finally done for the day Alex couldn't wait to get home. She rarely ever saw Olivia hanging about after school so she waved off her friends and rushed to the waiting Limo as soon as she got outside. Unfortunately though, Paul would only drive so fast and Alex had no choice but to sit back and relax for the ride home.

"Your parent's had to leave for Chicago earlier than expected today, Miss Alex." Paul informed her. The two had settled on _Miss _Alex amiably when Paul was hired on a few years back. Alex had found _Miss Alexandra Cabot (_or any variation of it) too formal for daily use, and Paul had for _Alex _too informal.

"Oh?" Alex was surprised but not too disappointed. Her parent's hardly ever left without saying goodbye to their Daughter, but being a typically unsentimental and overly independent 16 year old, Alex was glad to be in charge wile they were gone. She knew if she missed them they where just a phone call away.

"Yes Miss, but they said not to worry, you would have company"

"Yes of course." Alex smiled but rolled her eyes, assuming that her parents had been referring to the hired help. Cabot Place was never empty and though it was more than big enough, the tasteful Mansion never felt lonely.

Alex stared out the window listlessly as they drove through the rather rundown inner city streets that lay between the her high school and the exclusive nicer old neighborhoods that could still be found close to down town. It was still wet and dreary out; the weather seemed to match the houses that passed by. Alex couldn't help but think of Olivia and as each house passed she wondered if it might be hers. Of course Alex knew it was wrong to assume that her new acquaintance came from a neighborhood such as this, but her instinct told her she was right. Still. Alex dislike her instinct because instinct was the opposite of reason and she was about to turn away from the window when, up ahead she thought she could make out a familiar gray hoodie slouched against a tiny brownstone bungalow.

"Paul! Slow down" She wiped the steam off of her window and peered out of it at the approaching house. Paul obeyed, slowing almost to a crawl and turning to see what had caught the girl's attention.

"Do you know her?" He asked with concern as he noticed the dejected looking lump of teenager that had caught his eyes as well as Alexandra's

"Stop here." Was the only answer he got as Alex undid her seatbelt, not taking her eyes off the window.

"Miss?" Paul slowed to a stop. The Limo was about one house down from where Olivia's sat. "You shouldn't get out here, it isn't safe" but it was too late, she was already out of the door.

"Alex, please." There was a hint of panic in Paul's voice as he undid his seatbelt.

"I know her, it's okay Paul, stay here." Alex said assertively and gave her driver a reassuring smile as she shut the door behind her "Please."

But as she turned away and walked with intent, towards the rundown brownstone, her mock confidence didn't seem like enough. Hash sounds leaked out of the house as she approached it: random crashes and thumps then a wild sounding laugh and some more undistinguishable sounds. Alex swallowed hard as she turned onto the gravel driveway. Her insides where trembling and she wished more than anything that Mia was there in her place, but she was determined. She glanced back at the Limo and Paul's watchful eyes gave her comfort, so she continued on her mission.

On the low porch Olivia was oblivious to anything but the retched sounds coming from behind her, she was accustomed to them but hated them all the same, and they made her cringe with embarrassment. She sat hunched over on the step with her head in her hands, staring through the gravel at her feet. Olivia's head was throbbing and her stomach was in a tight knot. She was filed to the brim with loathing and desperation.

"God… Get me out of here, get me _away_!" she closed her eyes and begged silently, but stayed glued to the spot. She knew she could leave now (her mother was completely intoxicated) and no one would even notice, but there was no where to go… This was all she had ever known, this was all there was. Knowing no one was there to witness it, or care, Olivia let a couple bitter tears escaped her lashes and fall to the ground. Then, immediately regretting her weakness she straightened herself up and ran her hands back trough her smooth tousled hair, letting the damp air wash over her before she opened her eyes.

"Olivia…" Alex wanted to announce her presence before she was caught standing there but had waited until the very last moment.

Olivia's eyes shot open and it took her a moment to realize who she was looking at. Her eyes were blurred by unshed tears and her senses were dulled by sheer discomfort.

"Alex…" She meant to stand but didn't. She knew she should be on her guard, but wasn't. The tall delicate blond that stood in front of her seemed angelic in stark contrast to everything else around them.

"What are you doing out here?" though she didn't show it, Alex was immediately appalled the lack of tact in her question. Not everything was about the facts,not_ everything_ was an interrogation. But she was a lawyer's daughter… Then again so was Mia, and Mia wouldn't have just stood there. So Alex summoned all usual confidence and walked up to the stoop where she perched herself next to Olivia. "Are you locked out?"

This question was heardly better than the last, Olivia thought, but at least she wasn't afraid to answer it and, in spite of herself she inched over so that Alex could have a spot next to her without being too close.

"I might as well be" Olivia answered, looking at nothing in particular and sertainly not at Alex, her eyes were still misted over and she didn't want it to be noticeable.

"They kicked you out? Or you don't you want in?" Alex on the other had abated her discomfort and looked intently at Olivia.

"Would you?" She half looked at Alex, as a loud smash erupted from the house. But Alex didn't answer, and though her expression stayed the same Olivia noticed that the rest of Alex's body tensed at the sound of breaking glass.

" This is no place for a _Princess _" Olivia scoffed, feeling a bit of distain fire up her usual defensiveness "What do you think you're doing here anyways" She met Alex's eyes now and tilted her head to the side as she put a cigarette to her lips in feigned interest. She hoped Alex wouldn't have an answer again, which would only prove her point.

"_Princess_?" Alex was not about to be condescended upon when she had only cared enough to go out of her way. " I'm here because I saw you out here and its only 5 degrees out, so I figured if someone is going to sit outside and freeze their ass off there's probably a damn good reason! I came to make sure you were okay and I'm no idiot so I can see that your not. You were right this morning; I _don't_ know you. I doubt anyone does because you always acting like such a damn bitch Olivia, but you don't know me either, and I'm no more a princess because I have money, than you are trash because you have to live with it!" Now Alex was on her feet " Take that as you will, and Excuse me for wasting your time and my effort."

This was _Not_ Olivia had expected but she was used to having to defend herself. She was on her feet a moment after Alex was.

"I guess we are what we are then, _Princess" _Olivia's eyes cold and accusing.

Alex knew her own words had backfired but she wasn't about to let that incorrigible girl get the last word in.

"Fine, stay here. It's you choice. _Sorry_ for giving a damn!" Alex snapped back as she turned to go.

As she watched Alex stalk off, listening to the sharp crunch of pebbles under her heals, Olivia felt a wave of regret come over her. She knew Alex wanted to help, and though she didn't know how, or understand _why, _could feel a twinge of hope rise in her as she saw Alex stop and turn to face her again half way down the drive. Alex just stood there for a moment looking back at Olivia, the she shook her head bewildered and then waked back decidedly.

"You didn't even light it." She stood closer to Olivia than she ever had before, looking her straight in the eyes.

"What?" Olivia didn't budge but she looked around in confusion and crossed her arms over her chest. Alex was far to close for comfort; she couldn't remember the last time someone in his or her right mind had gotten that close to her.

"The cigarette…" Alex explained, matter of factly. "The one you put to your lips when you called me _Princess_. You didn't even light it." She felt calm and in control for the first time since arriving and this time Olivia had no answer. She simply cast her eyes to the grown and ran a hand though her hair… Alex noticed that though Olivia's clothing smelled of vodka and smoke, her hair, though untamed, was soft and clean, her skin and her breath smelled naturally sweet.

"You do know you_ have_ a choice, right, Olivia?" Alex words came out gently yet with such conviction that Olivia looked up into those clear blue eyes with uncertainty.

"What choice would that be?" Her voice was softer now too, but was full of suspicion

"Do you want to go back in there?" Alex nodded at the house

"What does that have to…"

"Well?" Alex cut her off before she could argue.

"Hell no." Olivia answered defiantly

"Then your choices are to come with me, or stay here and freeze and starve all evening" Alex look her straight in the eye, crossing her arms over her chest as if daring Olivia to accept her offer.

"What? What are you, Child Services or something?" Olivia glared

" Jesus, No, Olivia!" Alex rolled her eyes, partly amused, partly, horrified, and partly annoyed. "Come _home_ with me, in that." She pointed to the limo.

"Are you serious?" Olivia looked at the limo and then back at Alex eyeing her with even more bemused suspicion.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because…" Alex was at a loss. Then she remembered what Mia had said, and knew her only option was honesty, even if it wasn't a very good reason. "Because I want you to."

"You do?" Olivia hardly believed what she heard, and that was obvious. But by the way her deep chocolate eyes searched Alex's Alex knew she wanted to.

"Yes."

Once Olivia was satisfied with Alex's honesty she broke her gaze and bit her lip looking away. She could feel her eyes filling again, what was she supposed to do? This was impossible. After a moment she looked to the ground, her hair spilling forward again, as it always did. Alex wanted so badly to sweep those long dark bangs aside but knew it would be to intimate a gesture. So instead she placed a hand gingerly on Olivia's arm

"It's safe, and you're more than welcome too. It's not a trick or an imposition…Please" Alex did her best.

Olivia glanced at the hand on her arm. She could feel the uncertainty in it, but understood and more than appreciated the gesture. She let out a tense breath.

"Okay… okay sure" She nodded, making sure to blink back her tears before meeting Alex's eyes again.

"Good" Alex smiled "come on, let's go then." She was anxious to get back to the warmth and safety of her limo.

"I'll be there in a minute" Olivia turned towards her front door

"I thought you weren't going back in."

"I need to get some stuff."

"I'll wait here for you." Alex offered in spite of herself

"No." Olivia gave her a sharp look "Go to the car and wait there. If I'm not out in five minutes then leave"

"No!"

"Fine, I swear I'll come, just go to the limo"

Alex hesitated, but finally did as she was told. There was not too much more she could do. Besides, she couldn't help feeling that Olivia had been right: this was no place for a_ Princess_. Alex could feel Olivia watch her as she rushed back to the limo and as she got in saw Olivia disappear into the house… She waited for what seemed like an eternity.

**please review**


	8. Chapter 8

**All SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

**~Home Sweet Home~**

Inside, Olivia paused in the dim, smoky living room before heading through to her bedroom.

"I'm going to a friend's tonight…" She sighed and ran a hand through her hair at the lack of response from the two nearly comatose adults on the couch. "Mom?"

"Shut-up will'yh!" was the slurred response that came from the man slouched next to Olivia's mother, staring blankly at the TV "She's a sleep'n she don't care."

Olivia nodded, regretting having to pass between him and the TV on her way.

"Hey kid, come'er!" Sid drawled as Olivia walked by, and grabbed for her butt, but missed "I need a beer."

"There's one in your hand, Sid." She didn't stop.

There was the crack and slosh of a beer bottle and it's contents landing on the carpet at his feet "Well now I need a nother'un!" He called after her.

"Fuck you." Olivia muttered to herself as she headed down the short hall to her room. She could hear Sid complaining and trying to wake her mother as she slammed the door behind her. Olivia had planed to grab a few things, change, and leave, but now that she thought of it there was absolutely nothing she wanted to take with her, so she quickly undressed and grabbed a fresh change of clothing. She needed to get the hell out before she had the chance to think about it. She had to move fast because if she stopped or slowed down she might have a moment to realize that she was just as afraid of leaving as of staying. She slipped on a pair of jeans, the only pair she had that weren't faded, and was fastening her bra, when her bedroom door flew open.

"He says your goin', Where you goin' Livia?" Her mother demanded, clutching the door frame in one hand for support and a nearly empty vodka bottle in the other.

"I thought you were passed out." Olivia kept her eyes on the floor and her tone flat, as usual, though she could suddenly feel her heart beating in her chest and her fingers fumbled with the clasp of her bra. She wasn't afraid of her mother, but she was terrified that she might find a way to stop her. And more than anything she hated the fact the woman's husky, slurred voice somehow always managed a motherly and appealing tone, even at it's worst.

"Well I'm not" Serena Benson swayed on her feet a bit, momentarily loosing her train of thought.

"You will be." Finally having done up her bra Olivia eyed her mother for a moment, expecting her to tumble over.

Instead Serena's eyes lit up anger "Answer me girl! WHERE!" Serena was a volatile drunk. She whipped the bottle in Olivia's direction but had no aim and it shattered on the floor just in front of its intended target. Olivia backed up a step avoiding the splash of alcohol, and she could feel herself tense.

"No" Her eyes were fixed on her mother. As much as she didn't want this to go down now, there was no way in hell she was going to give Alex up to the one person she wanted to escape.

Serena grew livid; she hated her daughter's insubordination almost as much as she hated Olivia's very conception. But there was nothing that could change that, Olivia _was… _A living breathing reminder of all that was wrong with the world, Serena thought. God she hated that girl!... But still, Olivia was her Daughter, her flesh and blood too, _hers_, the one and only thing that was irreversibly _hers…_ Just then Sid called down the hall.

"Hey Rena! Thurs a big'ol limo parked there"

Olivia's eyes widened, she never would have guessed either one of her foe's would have been sober enough to notice it.

"Limo?" Serena's eyes squinted and she cocked her head as if contemplating the very word. Then the flash was back and it sparked fury in those intoxicated eyes "You think you're goin' some were Girl? Some were better'n here? Well I've got news for you 'Livia. You made this Goddamn hell hole! Yur not going _anywhere."_

"I didn't _make_ anything, Serena" Olivia eyed her mother coldly, not betraying how the accusation had cut her inside. "Just try and stop me." She took her eyes off of her mother's for a moment find a shirt, but that was her first mistake.

Before Olivia could react, Serena barreled into her sending them both crashing to the floor. Thankfully the wind was knocked out of her mother momentarily, and Olivia scrambled out from under her to make an escape , but not before Serena noticed and grabbed a large shared of broken bottle that lay on the floor.

"Don't you dare!" Serena hissed, thrusting the glass dagger at her daughter.

Olivia inched back, (she knew from experience that her mother was capable of anything) her bed was behind her. Underestimating her mother's reflexes she reached back and pulled herself up. Mistake number two…

"No!" With a yell, Serena swiped the piece of glass out in front of her. This time she hit her target and the sharp sting brought Olivia back to the ground. For a moment Mother and daughter froze, both staring at the blood tipped shard gripped in Serena's hand.

"Fuck you" Olivia growled, and in an instant she deftly reached back again supporting her weight on the bed behind her as she kicked both her kegs out with full strength. She may have seemed fragile, but she was strong, and that paired with ferocity, flung her mother clean across the small room. Olivia heard a thump as her mother's head hit the corner of a dresser, but she wasn't sure whether it was the impact or the booze that caused Serena to collapse unconscious where she landed.

Olivia peered at her mother for a moment to be sure she wasn't playing possum, then, still sitting slouched against the side of her bed breathing hard, she glanced down at her own quivering body. Just bellow her right bottom rib ran a bright red horizontal gash. It was thin and long running half way across her torso at a slight angle. It burned like hell but it was not deep and to Olivia's relief she wasn't bleeding too badly.

"Shit…" Olivia breathed, felling a bit more shaken than she was willing to admit. This was only the second time her mother had come at her with the remains of a vodka bottle and had ended up in a heap across the room. This time though, Olivia wasn't afraid of her own anger, because this time would be the last… If it wasn't too late.

A new, and stronger dread came over Olivia now: It had been more than five minutes since she had left Alex. What if Alex had gone without her? Olivia blinked back sudden tears and got to her feet. She went over to where her mother lay, breathing heavily, and slipped the think terry-cloth belt out from around Serena's housecoat. She found a piece of laundry and wiped it across her gash, then tied the soft belt over it so that she wouldn't bleed though her top. The last thing Olivia wanted was for Alex to notice the injury. Then she grabbed a white T-shirt and stuffed it into her knapsack, putting the damp black tank top and grey hoodie back on.

Sid was passed out on the couch as Olivia rushed to the front door. There was no hesitation for her to master now. She slipped on the first pair of dry shoes she could find, her mother's low black leather boots, the ones she wore when she went to class. As Olivia crouched to do them up her eye caught Serena's briefcase that sat next to them by the door. She paused for a moment with a mixture of anger and pity for her mother. Serena was an English professor, smart, educated, beautiful, and a drunk. Olivia glared at her mother's case with biter distain… She would have been prettier if she didn't smoke and drink herself away… She was a _shit_ mother… How could someone so smart be so _stupid_? Olivia knew why, and a searing pang of self loathing guilt squeezed her chest and brought out the sing in her hidden gash.

Olivia had meant to make her way casually to the limo (if it was still there) but as soon as she opened the door and saw that it was, she ran out of the house and didn't slow down until she reached it. Every atom of her being propelled her away from that house, away from those people. If this was family she didn't want it. if a primal love for the only mother she had ever known was what kept her captive, she didn't care. If fear of the unknown might have held her back at any other time, now hatred for all that she knew propelled her.

**please review**


	9. Chapter 9

**All recognizable SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

**~Uneasy~**

Alex was a bit taken aback, but more relieved than anything, to see Olivia rushing over, after a good 15 minutes of uneasy waiting.

"Olivia! What took you so long?" Alex's concern vented itself in frustration as she pushed the door open to let Olivia into back seat.

"Nothing. Sorry." Olivia was in no mood, and though a wave of relief passed over her as soon as she shut herself in the warm black limo, and the dreary cold outside, she immediately felt her guard go up. She was in an alien world now, leaving the only home she had ever known. She hardly expected Princess Alexandra to understand, nor did she want her to. She was more grateful to Alex than she could express, and that was something she had never felt before. It made her feel uneasy and vulnerable. She didn't like it.

After a minute of the two girls sitting in silence Alex told asked Paul to drive them home and gave Olivia another try.

" Are you okay?" She looked over at her apprehensively

" I'm fine thanks." Olivia said shortly, crossing her arms over her chest. She didn't want to sound rude (and she knew she did) but she_ had_ to keep Alex at bay.

"I was only asking…" Alex's short supply of patience was already running out

"Well don't." Alex's impatient tone only bristled Olivia further.

"Fine." The now petulant blond turned away and focused intently on the window. What had she ever done to Olivia besides try to befriend her, and this was the thanks she got? It was beyond Alex's comprehension. "What have I gotten myself into!" She murmured to herself.

At the other end of the seat Olivia turned to the window and cringed, hearing what Alex had said. She curled up against the door and peered out of the window. What was going to happen now? She was on her way to a strange place, where she already knew she would feel no more at home than she had with her Mother. Olivia shut her eyes and focused on keeping her breath steady. She had never been the crying type, she couldn't even remember the lat time she wanted to, but today was different, all she wanted to do was cry. Afraid and feeling just as alone as ever, tough Olivia, pushed it all away. She opened her eyes again to find them dry and immediately distracted by what they saw.

The beautiful houses that went by outside the window were the biggest and most beautiful ones Olivia had ever seen first hand. Some where newer, some were older, but all of them where well kept. Each home had a lush, well landscaped, and perfectly mowed lawn. Each house seemed to be untouched by weather or hardship, with porch light's and bright windows gleaning through the dark September afternoon with such cheeriness that Olivia found herself enchanted by the view.

Before long the limo passed though a let of open gates and around a small cul-de-sac.

"This is it." Alex said, suddenly feeling contented, as Paul stopped the car in front of the beautiful lavender brick Mansion. Light poured out of several windows welcomingly, and Alex couldn't have been happier to at least be home.

Olivia slung her bag over her shoulder and got out of the back seat. Paul shut the door behind her and she slowly followed Alex up the wide front steps, taking in the grandeur before her.

"This is where you live?"

"This is home" Alex nodded, opening the unlocked front door.

"It's…" Olivia paused inside the front door and looked around her. Everything was bright and airy. From the gleaming marble floor to the rich decor, and the grand winding staircase just ahead and to the right, with it's white plush carpet runner and polished banister. She felt overwhelmed. She didn't belong here, it was all to good to be real. " It's beautiful." Olivia finished quietly.

"Thank you. Come on." Alex led the way upstairs.

"Should I take of my boots?" Olivia hesitated

"Not down here, the floor's cold. Just wipe them for now."

Olivia did as she was told and briskly followed Alex up the staircase, down the hall to the left, and into her bedroom. Upon entering it, Olivia immediately noted that the suite was about the same size as her mother's house.

"Wow, you really _are_ a princess."

Alex clenched her jaw as she set her homework on her desk." My father is an attorney and my mother works with him. So _no_ I'm not a princess, thank you."

"Sure" Olivia rolled her eyes as if Alex's words had proved her point exactly.

Alex simply turned back to face Olivia and crossed her arms "What's your problem?"

"_My_ problem?" She had no idea how she was supposed to answer that, so she blue Alex off "… look, I'm soaked. Is there somewhere I can go and change?"

"Answer me, Olivia." Alex persisted in her signature no-nonsense tone. But at the moment that tone and those very words only reminded Olivia of someone else.

"You're not my mother, Alex. If I wanted this shit I'd have just stayed at home." Olivia glared making a frustrated gesture with her free hand. The other one holding the strap of her knapsack away from her well hidden cut.

"Of course I'm not your Mother! What do you mean by that anyways?" Alex truly didn't know if she could stand Olivia's attitude for much longer, but she persisted.

"Nice try." Olivia retorted dryly.

"The only thing I'm _trying_ to do is get you to _talk_ to me!"

"And why would I do that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because that's what normal people do, or because I invited you into my home even though we've only met today? Or maybe, just maybe, because you might _want_ someone to talk to?"

"Well obviously, I don't." Olivia ran a hand though her hair and shifted her weight. That was a lie, but she certainly wasn't about to let Alex know. Who did she think she was, anyways? "… What I do want is a bathroom."

"You can use the on-suite" Alex said defetedly and pointed to the right.

"Thanks." Olivia sighed, as flounced off to the bathroom and locked herself in.

In the bathroom Olivia took a moment to steady her breath again, then took off her tops to inspect her gash. When she untied the makeshift bandage from around her it stuck to the wound a little, but as she lifted it gingerly away, wincing a bit, Olivia was please to see that the thin gash, however painful, wasn't bleeding anymore.

"I'm going downstairs to use the phone." Alex called through the door, out of courtesy, she had a feeling Olivia wouldn't mind being left alone one bit.

"Yep." Olivia called back, and listened to the bedroom door close behind Alex as she put on the small white t-shirt she had packed. Then she turned and looked at herself in the large framed mirror above the sink. She liked the feeling of not being completely coved up, the air on her skin, but she didn't like what she saw. How she would have loved to be invisible… _I might as well be._ Olivia thought. No one ever _really_ saw her anyways.

Alex was still downstairs evidently, and Olivia was glad to have the big room to herself, though it was a bit too grand for her taste, she had to admit that she liked it. Everything was so pretty and clean, the whole room smelled lightly of vanilla, not a hint of vodka or cigarette smoke anywhere. And it was so warm, almost too warm. The more Olivia took in her surroundings the more out of place she felt. She clasped her arms over her waist almost protectively. She wished she felt happy here, she wanted to feel safe. But she didn't, she couldn't, she was just as alone here as anywhere else. Except that here and now Olivia felt more conscious of everything she didn't have, than ever before. She had no money, or nice things, nothing she had ever had was pretty,_ she_ wasn't pretty, or smart, or rich. She was nothing… Olivia noticed a pair of French doors to her right, at the back of the room. She went right for them and pulled them open. A gust of cool evening air billowed into the room and Olivia quickly stepped onto the balcony and shut the doors behind her, so as not to let more of the cold inside. She walked slowly to the low thick alabaster railing and leaned over it, shutting her eyes and breathing in deep. The cold air filled her lungs and she let out a quivering breath. She opened her eyes and wanted to take in the shimmering lights of the neighborhood, but she saw nothing through the blur. This time she knew she couldn't fight them back, so Olivia blinked slowly and let the hot tears spill silently from her dark lashes.

**Please review, I love feedback.**


	10. Chapter 10

**All SVU Characters belong to Dick Wolf**

**~SOS~**

Downstairs the phone rang for what seemed like a million times, as Alex tapped one of her father's pens impatiently on the large Cherrie wood desk she sat behind then finally. When Alex was about to give up hope, a familiar voice greeted her:

"Hi Lex." There was the usual warm smile in Mia's voice.

"Well if you knew it was me why didn't you pick up sooner?" Alex tried to sound angry as but she couldn't quite pull it off.

"Because I love to push your buttons Darling" Mia retorted with a smirk.

"You know just how to do it and it's not right of you! You have no button's I can push back," Alex pouted,

"Of course I do, I just don't let you push them."

"Of course you don't…" Alex sounded defeated.

"Lex, what's wrong?" Mia knew her cousin better than anyone, even though they didn't speak that often and saw each other even less; Alexandra Cabot _never_ went down without a fight.

"She's here."

"Who? Where?" Mia couldn't help feeling a little concerned by the anxiety in her cousin's voice.

"Olivia… Well she isn't _here_, she's upstairs, and I don't know what to do with her."

"Olivia?_ Wait_, your girl, you spoke with her… And, _brought her home!_ Wow Lex, it went _that _well, eh?"

"_MIA_! No it didn't, but yes I did." Alex was currently too stressed to have a sense of humor.

"How did this all happen?" Knowing well enough that if she couldn't make Alex laugh things must be pretty bad, Mia sobered her tone. That alone was enough to comfort her cousin just a bit.

"I don't know, it just kind of, happened: I got up the nerve to confront her after school today. That could have gone better, but it could have gone a lot worse too… Then on the drive home I saw here sitting there on her front stoop. The weather is crap here. And the sounds coming out from her house! Mia I've told you about the bruises and everything else, she looked so alone… I don't know what I was thinking but I channeled my inner Mia and decided to bring her home. " Alex sunk deep into her fathers oversized office chair completely bewildered by her own predicament.

Mia had been listening intently and now she smiled "Honey, I normally bring home lost dogs and abandoned kittens (not to mention Bob) not people, but I'm flattered"

"Well you would have done the same, I know it."

"Yes, in this case. And I'm glad you did it."

"I'm not!" Alex chucked her pen back onto the desk.

"You don't mean that Lex. If she didn't need your help she wouldn't have accepted it. You did the right thing, and I know you care about her."

"Yes, but now what? Mia, she wont talk to me, won't look at me, I don't even think she wants to be here."

"Well from what you told me about her before, that doesn't sound very out of character to me." Mia pointed out.

" It's not, but I can' stand her attitude. She is so abrasive and ungrateful, she won't even try."

"Have you?"

"Yes, and she won't have anything to do with me… Mia I can't do this. God I wish you were here! You are can handle messed up people."

"Alex that's so mean!"

"_What_? It's true: she IS messed up, besides, you can handle _me_ can't you?"

"You're worth it Lexy." Mia smiled warmly into the phone. " And so is she."

"You don't even know her." Alexandra voice was soft and almost meek now, a tone reserved only for her beloved cousin.

"True, but I like her."

"What? You have nooo idea."

"Call it intuition."

"You and you're damn _intuition." _ Alex rolled her eyes but smiled, classic _Mia_. "I tried to follow it today and look where it got me!"

"Give her a chance Lex! She hasn't had it so easy, I'm sure. Besides she can't be all bad"

" I know that, and I'm trying. But she is the most insufferable, incorrigible person I have ever met… She's kind of hot, but she's a bitch!"

" How do you know she isn't thinking the exact same thing about you, Miss Cabot?" Mia Laughed.

"Oh just shut up and get you're butt on a plain to New York, right now!" Alex wined

"Yeah, Yeah. You'll have to tough it out on your own for now Princess."

"Ohhh my god! Not you too." Alex groaned, as she heard the receiver beep

"What did I say?" Mia raised an eyebrow

"Nothing… I've got a beep, it might be Mum & Dad."

"Okay, send them my Love. Take care Lexy"

"You too, and I will"

"See you soon" Mia smiled

"Bye Babe."

-CLICK-

**you know the drill :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**All recognizable SVU Characters Belong to Dick Wolf**

…**Not to worry, I'm not introducing two new characters….**

**~Juliette and Bob~**

Mean while, upstairs, Olivia was suddenly distracted by the sight of another limousine pulling up in front of the house. She wiped her eyes and blinked to focus on who was getting out of the back seat, not knowing what to expect…Alex's parents perhaps? Since they were obviously not home… But no, In the glimmer of the porch light's though the dim weather, Olivia only saw one figure exit the limo: A young woman, in dark fitted jeans and I white blazer. From the balcony Olivia could see the Brunette gathering a small suitcase and could here her speaking cheerfully to the Limo's driver, before it drove off. Olivia peered at the girl with interest: She moved and spoke with confidence and looked bright and fresh in spite of the depressing weather. Olivia could here the girls heals on the pavement below as she moved, not sharp, but strong. Her Hair tumbled down her back in dark thick waves. Who _was_ she? Olivia found herself staring.

As If she felt someone watching her, Mia glanced up and her eyes caught Olivia's. The two regarded each other for a moment. Then me raised a hand giving the girl above her a small wave and a radiant smile. She knew the Girl was Olivia but couldn't help thinking that she looked more like Juliette looking over Alex's balcony like that.

Olivia felt frozen for a moment, she hadn't expected the newcomer to notice her let alone great her…"Hi." She said finally, and returned Mia's wave.

"Shh" Mia put a delicate finger to her lips; her big bright eyes still lingered up at Olivia for a moment longer. Then she headed bristly to the front door.

Olivia turned away from the rail and headed back to the balcony doors just in time to hear the door chime. She stopped in the doorways and leaned against the frame, intrigued but not really eager to leave the sanctity of the balcony. Olivia still felt a lot more fragile than she liked, and despite her interest in the new guest, she couldn't' quite pull herself together.

The door bell rang again and Olivia could Here Alex call from somewhere in the house:

"Come in! It's open!" then in softer tones "…Someone is at the door Mum… Okay, I'll see you later."

The Chine came again…

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Alex sounded a bit exasperated as she rushed tough the house to answer the door.

Then for a moment there was silence, then a breathless squeal from Alex. Listening intently from her post in the bedroom, Olivia raised and eyebrow but could help a small smile. It was an amusing sound and she hadn't figured prim and prober Alex to be a squealer.

"Surprise!" Mia Smiled, barely able to contain her excitement as her beloved cousin opened the door. She stepped tough the door and shut it behind her, setting her luggage down.

Alex simply stared for a moment with her hands cupped over her mouth. It had been _forever_ since the girls had seen each other.

"What are you dong here?" she finally managed

"Well, you told me I had to come NOW." Mia smiled, just as tearful as her elated cousin.

"But, that was… two minutes ago."

"I told you I would see you soon, didn't I?"

Alex nodded, and unable to contain herself any longer, she flew over to her better half and burst into tears.

" I missed you Lexy." Mia always steady voice was thickened by the lump in her throat, catching Alex in tight embrace, She kissed the blond head on her shoulder.

"I missed you too!" Alex's whispered from somewhere in Mia's soft mane.

The pair stood there basking in each other's company and chatting quietly for a few minutes more.

Olivia had moved from the Balcony to the main bedroom door, and now she stood jut outside of it, peaking over the second story rail down into the foyer. As she watched the two girls' she couldn't help feeling envious of the familiar affection the two obviously had. Whomever this girl was (they couldn't have been sisters and were definitely not lovers) Alex obviously loved her to pieces and the feeling was mutual. Though the scene before her only made her feel lonelier, she had never had anything like that, Olivia couldn't pry herself away. She was shocked to see Ice Princess Alex brought to tears by this warm and charismatic Beauty. Olivia wanted so badly to be part of something so tender… She lipped back from the rail into the shadow of the bedroom door, frustrated at the fact that she felt like crying _again_. This had to have been the worst day of her life, Ironically, because she had finally gotten away from her mother.

Back downstairs Alex and Mia were finally settling down.

"I saw her _Juliette _in your Balcony on the way in." Mia said. Which caught Olivia's attention immediately, the high vaulted ceiling above the foyer carried sound too well.

"You mean Olivia?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"And?"

"I was right" Mia smiled

"How so?"

"I like her."

This made Olivia smile, she liked _her_ too.

"She could be a serial Killer! You haven't even met her yet." Alex laughed, and Olivia almost did too.

"I trust your judgment Lex, I'm pretty sure she isn't… Right?" Mia said the last word rather loudly, addressing the eavesdropper.

_Shit_ Olivia thought, had she been seen listening?

"SHhh!" Alex grabbed her cousins arm "Jesus Mia."

"What you don't think she can hear us already? If you're bedroom door is open she can hear everything "

Alex shrugged.

"Hey _Juliette_, Are you a serial killer?" Mia called up, not any louder than she had been speaking.

"MIA" Alex snapped frantically, and Olivia almost choked on a stifled laugh.

"Uhh..No." Came the voice from up stairs.

"Ohhh my god…" Alex groaned in embarrassment.

"See, right one both counts" Mia smirked. And so did Olivia

After recovering from a minor aneurism Alex lowered her voice (which made no difference) "Mia, this isn't funny… _You don't know her_…"

The distain in Alex's hurt Olivia "and neither do _you!"_ She breathed, and headed back out to the balcony, she didn't want to listen to any more if this was how it was going to be.

"Do you know her, Babe?" Mia gave Alex a curious look.

"No, it's impossible. I told you." She sighed

"How about you let me be the judge of that." Mia gazed upstairs and crossed her arms, she had a feeling that as smart as Alex was, she was completely wrong about Olivia.

"Be my guest." Alex nodded in the same direction "She's all yours… Three would be a crowd up there right now, besides you'll probably have more luck if I'm not around, and I have an essay to work on… I'll be in Dad's office if you need me."

The cousins exchanged quick hugs and parted ways. From out on the Balcony Olivia could here Mia reaching the top steps, and just as she started down the call Alex called up.

"Hey Mia?"

"Yes?" Mia shouted back, voices didn't carry down quite as well as they did up.

"Who is Bob?" Alex sounded suspicious.

"What?" Mia turned back a couple of steps.

"On the phone earlier, you mentioned Bob in passing."

"Oh, Bob's my man."

Olivia could here Mia clearly from out side and for some reason, that last statement caught her attention, though she didn't particularly like it.

"WHAT?"

"No, no, no. He's not an actual MAN. He's a Raccoon" Mia smiled

"A raccoon?" Alex said and Olivia mouthed, at the same time.

"Yep. He is the sweetest! Poor little guy. Dad found him under the porch."

"Oh, Okay" Alex sounded relieved, though not too surprised.

"What? You thought I'd gone straight? Alexandra Cabot, I'm surprised at you." Mia laughed

Olivia stopped heart skipped a beat _well that was forward._

"You're right, I should have known that any man in my cousin's life would have to have four legs and fur." Alex teased back

"Damn right!" Mia continued her way to Alex's room.

Olivia smiled to herself and turned back to the view off the balcony.

**Please review. This was really just a filler Chapter, the next one should be more interesting **


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: All recognizable svu characters belong to Dick Wolf. Mia and storyline belong to me.**

**~Exposed~**

A few moments later Mia walked into Alexandra's bedroom. As the balcony was right across from the door she immediately noticed Olivia standing out on it just like she had been before. After a moments pause Mia walked over.

Olivia didn't move, she wasn't used to being approached and her normal response in a situation like this would have either been to stand on the offensive, or just walk away. But she didn't want to do that with Mia, there was something different about her, she wanted to meet her… Just not right now. Olivia knew her defenses were low, she felt so out of place and vulnerable that she didn't know if she could hide it just now.

"May I join you?" Mia asked as she came up behind Olivia, and to the latter's surprise she stopped and waited for permission to enter the girls personal space.

"Sure" Olivia said, a little more meekly than she had intended

"Thanks, I'm Mia" The slightly taller brunette took her place right next to Olivia, she leaned over the rail comfortably so that the two were in similar positions and at eye lever with each other,

"Olivia" She offered Mia a small smile as she glanced over at her. She hadn't intended to do either, but Mia was standing so close that Olivia couldn't resist the impulse. Mia smiled back warmly and for the second time that evening they regarded one another for a moment. It took Olivia by surprise that rather than wanting to break eye contact, as usual, she found herself comfortable returning Mia's gaze, she was magnetic. Still, Olivia looked away in short order. It was getting dark out, but even in the fading light, now that they were this close, she could tell that Mia was _wayyy_ out of her league. Focusing on the darkening horizon in front of her, Olivia felt a familiar self-reproach rise again. This whole scene was way out of her league. "_What are you doing here?"_ she thought, for what must have been the thousandth time in the last hour. Except this time she must have thought out loud…

"Excuse me?" Mia feigned insult. In truth she knew perfectly well that Olivia wasn't talking about her, but from what she had heard from Alex, Mia figured that questioning Olivia directly would probably only result in deflection. So she tried this rout instead.

"No, not you." Olivia said quickly. She wasn't sure why, but the last thing she wanted to do was offend her unexpected companion in any way. Running a hand though her hair Olivia took a breath "…_Me_…_ I_ don't belong here."

"How do you know that?" Mia asked gently.

Though Olivia didn't dare look at Mia now, she had a feeling that those big bright eyes could see right through her, she answered. Turning away from the rail with the unsettling feeling of the first cracks forming in her already fragile walls of defense.

"Because she doesn't want me here." Olivia referred to Alex

"That isn't true." Mia protested, but she gave Olivia her space.

"It is, and you know, its okay, I get it…" Olivia wandered away a little as the outdoor lights automatically came on leaving the balcony in a pool of light. "… I'm nothing like her, nothing like you… I don't have a nice house, and a nice family. All I have is…"She trailed off not wanting herself to finish. She couldn't understand why she had such an overwhelming urge to let this mere acquaintance in. Olivia normally trusted her instincts and they was almost always right… But then again her intuition normally told her to keep her guard up, not let it down

Mia watched with growing concern as Olivia spoke. She said nothing; not wanting to interrupt what she guessed was a rare vent (though she had no idea it was the first one of its kind). Olivia still had a hand in her hair, and as she went slowly off to one end of the large balcony. Mia noticed how the position caused the girl's waist length baby-t to ride up several inches exposing the small of her back. Mia followed now, and though she wanted nothing more than to rap her arms Olivia's expose waist, shielding it from the cold air, she wasn't about to push her luck that far.

"Olivia?" Mia prompted gently, coming up behind her again.

"…Nothing, it doesn't matter" Olivia turned and sat a hip on the balcony rail so that she was not facing Mia, but wasn't tuned away from her either. She could feel the cracks spreading in her even as she dismissed them

"Yes, yes it dose… To me it does." Mia came around in front of the dejected girl.

Olivia looked up at her for the first time in the clear balcony lights. Mia was with out a doubt the most beautiful person Olivia had ever seen, and her words and expression where so sincere… No one had ever looked at her that way; no one had ever spoken to her that way before.

"All I have is an abusive drunk for a mother and a rapist for a father." The Words spilled out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. She quickly looked away as her eyes brimmed over.

Mia's heart dropped, what could she possibly say that could remedy that? Nothing, So, instead she boosted herself up on the rail close enough that her leg pressed gently against Olivia's. It was a small gesture but, to a girl who's never received any genuine affection, it was a powerful one.

"You know," Olivia, continued, her eyes cast down as usual, though she somehow felt comforted by the other girl's subtle intimacy "I've never met him, but I know I look like him."

"You're beautiful." Mia added softly, casually reaching over and tucking Olivia's bangs behind her ear. She was naturally a very demonstrative person, but beyond that, she wanted to test the waters. Mia now understood why Olivia was so stand offish, but if she could accept Mia's minor affections it could only mean that Olivia trusted her… Why that would mean so much to Mia, she didn't quite know. She only knew that it did, and that she understood completely how this somber girl had caught her cousin's attention, and that her desire to help reach unassuming yet beautiful Olivia was strong.

Olivia shook her head slightly and brushed the now unhidden tear from her cheek. Mia's gesture had felt so natural that she barely took note of it "No…" She sniffed "I doubt that… The one person that is supposed to be biologically programmed too love me can't even bear to look me. " Olivia paused and took in a shaky breath "… At least not when she's sober, and when she's not (which is all the time) she looks at me like… like she _hates _me" Olivia swallowed heard, not bothering to fight the tears that kept escaping. At this point she didn't care that Mia was watching her slowly fall apart. In fact, she was glad Mia was there. Until now Olivia hadn't realized how badly she wanted someone to break though, to hear her, to see her, to care… "She doesn't give a shit that I'm her daughter, all she sees in me is _him._"

Mia's heart bled for Olivia, how could anyone not love her?

"What your father did to you're mother obviously really messed her up " Mia shook her head in distain, but she kept her words soft "…But just because she _hates_ him, doesn't mean she can't _love_ you."

"Tell that to her." Olivia sighed and slipped off of the rail. For a moment Mia feared she had said the wrong thing, but Olivia stayed just a couple of steps in front of where Mia was perched. "You know how I know my Mother hates me?" The question was rhetorical and Olivia slowly turned back around, to face Mia, as if unsure of her own actions. She reached up and folded her arms over her head deliberately causing her top to ride up high, revealing the thin gash just under her ribcage.

Mia felt completely torn between the tender and almost erotic beauty of the exposed figure in front of her, and the aguish she felt when the wound caught her eye. She was immediately on her feet.

"She did this to you?" Mia said in quiet disbelief.

Olivia nodded, her eyes cast to the side. She had never felt more vulnerable and ashamed in her entire life. Still, something inside held her there; she needed Mia to bear witness. Instinctively, Mia came forward and dropped onto one knee to inspect the wound. Though Olivia had always been self conscious (no attention was good attention) as she felt Mia draw near she knew that this what she had wanted- she couldn't comprehend it- but she wanted Mia to see her as she was now, to approach her…

"God…" Mia murmured in horror. Her parents would sooner dye than harm their daughter. And the very thought Olivia's mother was capable of this made her sick.

Olivia struggled to find her voice as she felt 18 years of suppressed anguish fighting to break free. "It could have been worse. She was aiming for my throat."

Mia shook her head, too angry to cry and two saddened to be angry. She ever so tenderly traced a finger under the line of broken flesh. "I'm so sorry."

Those simple words were the ones that Olivia had longed to hear from her mother, but knew she never would. And as she felt that most tender touch canceling out the dull sting of her wound Olivia could feel the last of her defenses shattering, she shut her eyes felt a wave of pain wash though her.

Mia felt and saw Olivia's stomach tremble under her fingertips. "Dose it hurt? She asked, automatically thinking she may have touched a tender spot. But as soon as she looked up she knew that it wasn't physical pain that was racking though Olivia.

"Yes" Olivia's voice broke.

Seeing the tears begin to stream from those dark lashes brought Mia swiftly to her feet. Olivia seamed nearly paralyzed by grief, she barely moved as her eyes met Mia again: Beautiful deep, dark wells of overwhelming pain that pierced Mia's heart and soul.

"Ohh Babe…" Mia brought her hands to Olivia's arms to guide them down, but only the slightest touch was needed.

"I'm sorry…" Olivia sobbed as she let herself fall into the safety of Mia's arms.

**Please review if you want more.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Just a quick little update. Letting you all know I will be updating more frequently again**

For a moment time stopped…

Mia felt the wind knocked out of her as she caught Olivia, automatically. Not out of physical force (infact, though both girls were roughly the same size, Olivia felt weightless in in her grasp) It was more the shalk of devistation that seemed to stop Mia's pulse. In that instant she flet as though she has caught something so tenuous yet forceful that she wonered if she could hold it at all: Like trying to catch a wave that's carshed onto the shore. But as she caught her breath Mia became acutely aware of the trembling body that stayed in her arms. As Oliva's tightened around her neck, Mia's arms tightened around Olivia, willingly taking her in as close as possible. As she held Olivia she couldn't feel each sob as it built up and escaped. Though it was chilly Mia had opened her blazer when she had gone to sit up on the balcony rail, and now that Olivia's head was nestled right on her shoulder she could feel every tear that left soft wet lashes and dampened the side of her neck. Mia closed her eyes and rested her head over Olivia's, feeling as though her heart was litteraly being crushed, she wanted nothing more than to vanquish the poor young womans pain, to take it on herself.


End file.
